wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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