I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
