Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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