just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you will always have a special place in my vag
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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