He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
