her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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