I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
