and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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