After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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