Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
