dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
