i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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