this beer tastes like vomit already
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
