He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
