My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
