she woke up with a sticky ear
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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