I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
