umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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