I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
