you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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