you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
