She's JV to your varsity
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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