I have demons in me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
