If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
