shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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