I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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