No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
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Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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