You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
