My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
