I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
