i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
