Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
