i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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