Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
