You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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