# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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