are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
