chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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