today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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