So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
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me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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