Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
