she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
