Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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