Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
