shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
