Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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