Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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