found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
