oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
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I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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