I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
