Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
