Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dear god my vagina.
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