Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
