Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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