Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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