I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
