Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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