Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
