Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
