Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
