we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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