but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
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i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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