i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
