You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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