And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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