Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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