my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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