Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
