I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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