i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
