Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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