My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
