I want to have your abortion
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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