You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
