Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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