OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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